I moved

Hello, Just wanted to let you know I moved over to Wordpress. Heres the link http://thesmoothestone.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/review-of-flourish-conference-2013-night-1/

See ya there!

In recovery from bad parenting

Hi, my name is Sandei and I am a bad parent. I feel like there should be an AA for parenting. We all make mistakes. Some of us make bigger mistakes than others. We all know kids don't come with instructions, sadly. If they did they would deviate from what is in the instruction book and make us pull our hair out that way.

I had kids young. Too young. I wasn't married & ended up being a single mom with 2 kids age 4 &2 at 23 years old. Boy did they suffer the wrath of my stress from being a working single mom. I would yell, scream, cuss, put them down, beat them with hangers, pinch them under the back part of their arm til it bruised anything I thought would control them in that moment I did it. I am so ashamed to admit that. Who wouldn't be ashamed. Guilt was my best friend.

I made a conscious decision to not continue that cycle with my 16 yr old son & 9 yr old daughter. The main difference was consistency. The older 2 frequently would tag team me and wear me down until I gave in to their demands, either lifting a punishment or purchasing something or going somewhere. I can remember several times saying " At this point I don't care anymore, just SHUT UP and leave me alone" That was their tactic and it worked. When my youngest daughter misbehaves with the older ones around they say things like "Just beat her, shoot, you beat us" crazy huh. If you didn't like it why would you want that to happen to your sister. Its not fair they say.

I have seen the affects of bad parenting in my older two. They were spoiled rotten brats. They expect to always get their way. They are in the corporate world now and both of them have issues when they have to follow rules they feel are unfair, or don't get their way in some form or fashion. My older one is more out of control and less understanding than the younger one. I recently got a call from her saying she got sent home from work because someone called her a name and she cussed them out.  Don't think you are doing your child a favor when giving into their demands, you are setting them up for failure in the future. We pretty much grew up together & treating them like a friend instead of a parent has been detrimental to them.

My son is the one who requires the least amount of discipline. I think God knew I needed a break somewhere. I am so thankful for that kid! He pretty much does what I ask him to do, when I ask him to do it. He rarely talks back or doesn't follow directions. He is at his core a good person, without an ounce of malice in him. His Aspergers can be challenging but his behavior is usually not. He demanded consistency from me. If you have a child on the spectrum, you understand.

In the grand scheme of things I have been pretty consistent with my youngest since she was a baby. I still have my sucker moments but they are far apart. If we are in a store and she is continually asking for a toy I am not going to buy I give her a choice "If you choose to not stop begging, then I will take away your swimming privileges for two days, its up to you" Then I stick with that two days of no swimming. Will she ask if she can go, sure. When that occurs I say "You made the choice to not stop begging for that toy and if you choose to continue to whine about not swimming I will add more days, your choice" usually that is all it takes to get her to behave. She probably has had literally 10 spankings in her life. I am careful of the words I use when disciplining her. I make sure they are directed at the behavior not her the person. She has learned that she can choose to be on punishment or not. Her behavior has consequences and it is her choices that determine that. I pray that as we get into the pre-teen and teenage years she continues to respond to positive forms of discipline.

Bottom line is we all do the best we can with what we have. Don't beat yourself up for mistakes made yesterday, learn from them and move on.

I saw these tips on babble.com and thought they were a great tool for our parenting tool belts;

There are two concepts to keep in mind when correcting your child: using the word "how" and active listening.

1. Starting With "How" Questions

As long as you don't just ask one question before launching an "I'll tell you where you went wrong" lecture, beginning with a "how" question rather than a "why" question will encourage connection with your child. Ask things like:

"How upset are you?"

"How did her words make you feel?"

"On a scale of 1-10, how mad are you?"

"How do you think you should have handled this?"

"How are you feeling now?"

2. Active Listening

Wikipedia says, "Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to feed back what they hear . . . [leaving] little room for assumption or interpretation." Using active listening assures your child that he's been heard.

An example would be: "You said Sally said mean things to you, so you hit her, right?"

3. Correcting Using the Word "What"

Now it's time to shift from connecting to correcting. To do that, begin sentences with the word "what."

"What are the rules in our house when you hit a friend?"

"What are you supposed to do instead?"

"What will you be doing now to fix his hurt feelings?"

"What else happens in our house when we hurt someone's feelings or body?"

It helps if you post a list on your refrigerator of your family's rules and what happens when the rules aren't followed. That allows you to supportively walk your child over to the list as you ask questions that begin with "what." Asking questions and using natural consequences to repair the damage requires a child to think and learn from his choices.

When the words "what" and "how" are used as part of the correction process, they help fill the needs of both parent and child by steering each of them away from anger. The child feels connected and heard, which further reduces power struggles. And the parent can truly teach his child what he needs to know without relying on reactions and punishment.

When families connect as they correct behavior, they're creating new habits that naturally show up in the workplace and in their daily interactions with others. Then hopefully, the pervasive anger we're experiencing in society will begin to shift as well.

Getting organized

Getting organized usually starts with some form of spring cleaning. My 24 yr old daughter has a true gift when it comes to that. She can walk into the messiest of messy rooms and instantly sees it transformed in her head into a sleek, well organized magazine shoot ready room. If it's a closet, she takes everything, I mean everything out. Clothes too. She then makes piles things to keep, throwaway and storage. In the matter of an hour or so the transformation is complete.

How long has it been since you treated your brain like your closet? Depending on your age, there could be an entire dumpster full of junk you need to release. The bible tells us to renew our mind and it will transform us.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:12

I recently read the following article:

 "Our subconscious mind takes past life experiences, rooting back as far as childhood, to respond to a present situation. It doesn’t have the ability to cognitively distinguish or process thoughts, but it can bring about some sort of memory, whether good or bad, which may affect our judgement of a situation.

In a manner of speaking, the subconscious mind, while less cognitive, is much more powerful than the conscious mind. It actually takes up 80% of our psychology. And it can lead to precarious circumstances.

When we say: “I would like to have a cup of coffee” --- that is our conscious mind thinking and deciding our moves for us. When we say: “I’m not sure if it’s good for me to have a cup of coffee, when I need to be asleep in thirty minutes” --- that is our conscious mind debating with our subconscious."
 

Powerful stuff huh. We don't even realize during our waking hours that thoughts, situations, movies, music, tv shows, books we have read and other influences are controlling what we do. The way you view yourself and the world around you is shaped most when you are sleeping, not when you are awake. Once I realized this I started sleeping with worship music on softly all night. I want my steps directed in the right way.

If you think all the way back to your childhood there could be some memories you don't want to think of. Maybe there were hurtful words spoken over you or hurtful things done to you. Its time to clean out that space in your brain. Make room for new memories, sustaining thoughts and good times. It might require a pen and piece of paper or a computer. Start with the worst memory you have, the one you suppress the most. As you begin recording all the memories you want to get rid of, along the way you will make piles of keep, throwaway and storage.


Once you have your list of throwaway memories I encourage you to search the bible for verses to replace them. If someone said you were fat, ugly, unlovable replace that with "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well"Psalm 139:14
If you were on the receiving end of unfair treatment of some kind you could lean on "For the Lord is righteous, he loves justice; the upright will see his face."Psalm 11:7

Whatever circumstance you find yourself in, there is a scripture that you could memorize so when the enemy tries to use that against you by bringing up that memory you make him flee by doing what Jesus did when tempted to turn the rock into bread, use Gods word against the enemy. That is the greatest weapon you could ever have. As you begin to intentionally retrain your brain I hope you notice the difference in your thought pattern, I pray it becomes more positive day by day. In three months when you look back at how far you have come you will see the fruit of your labor & how Gods word can transform, your life.




Ref:http://www.exforsys.com/career-center/self-confidence/subconscious-mind-and-self-confidence.html

4 Difficult Talks You Need to Have With Your Kid

Apr 9 2013 repost of Amanda Morins article 

Not too long ago I wrote about why I had to talk to my kids about sex offenders and how, even though it was a difficult conversation, it was one I should have had with my children a long time ago. The world our children are growing up in is very different than the world we grew up in.

Certainly, there are things kids need to know before they leave home, but there are also things they need to know about now to help protect themselves or not end up in a bad situation. Moms say that in order to help your child, there are some difficult conversations you need to have with them.

Keep reading.

1. Talking About Racism and Diversity

Mom Serena L. says her children are among only a few biracial families in a mostly white neighborhood. At 3 years old, some of the other kids were already refusing to play with her sonbecause of his skin color. Racism is an unfortunate reality of life that your child is going to come across, but that doesn't mean they have to accept it.

Teaching tolerance from the time your child is young can help them learn that you should judge a person by how he acts and what he says, not by what he looks like or by some minority group he is a part of.

Talk to your young child about why people's skin color differs, and point out all the things people have in common. As your child gets older, the conversation will morph into discussion about other types of diversity and how to handle it when people aren't as tolerant of differences.

2. Talking About "Tricky" People

It's a good idea to teach your children about "stranger danger," but it doesn't really cover all the dangers they could face from adults. Considering that most child abductors and abusers are actually not strangers, the conversation you should be having is about what blogger Checklist Mommy refers to as "tricky people."

Mom Kelley P. explains: "A tricky person is anyone who tries to get [your child] to break a family safety rule." If you don't have family safety rules, you should put some in place, but until then, make sure your preschooler knows that a "tricky" person is an adult who asks them to keep a big secret or tells them it's OK to help out or go with them without asking a trusted parent first.

As your child gets older, you can add to the conversation by talking about "tricky" friends — kids who lie, say mean things about other children behind their backs, and try to manipulate your child into doing things they don't want to do.

3. Talking About Sexuality

Talking about sexuality is so much more thantalking to your teen about sex. It's about making sure you and your child are comfortable talking about things like masturbation, puberty, and homosexuality. As some moms point out, if youkeep homosexuality a secret, then if your child is bisexual or gay, they will be fearful of talking to you about it.

And the more comfortable your child is in their knowledge that they can talk to you about body changes and sexual feelings, the less often they'll get misinformation from friends.

4. Talking About Death

With things like serial shootings in the news andschools practicing lockdown drills, our kids learn about death sooner than we might like. It's a hard thing to explain to kids, especially if you're not sure what your own beliefs about the afterlife are.

This conversation usually starts when a pet or loved one dies, but mom Alisha J. says you can start preparing for it by having an open dialogue with your child about your thoughts about heaven or how to honor someone's memory.

Keep Talking About Tough Stuff

The key to having difficult conversations is to start talking to kids about tough stuff when they're young. Circle of Moms member Gail P. is right when she says there are "teachable moments" every day. Finding teachable moments, using age-appropriate vocabulary, and adding to the conversation as your child gets older will make these discussions easier and a more natural part of your lives.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Source: Shutterstock

Overwhealmed, Reflection, Perspective of the Boston Marathon

Switching channels isn't doing any good. Every station has the same thing on. Horror at the Boston Marathon. Immediately my mind shifts back to that fateful day of Sept. 11,2001. In the very beginning stages of what happened once that second explosion hit, we knew, in the gut of the American people we knew it happened again. We are under attack on our own streets.

As it was played over and over on the news just as the explosion hits, in my mind it threw me backwards into a stance of reflection. I start imagining what if it had been me or my loved one. I begin to reflect on all the things planned for my life. Flashes quickly pass, if I were killed today are things in order? The things that were a big deal five minutes ago suddenly no longer a big deal.

 Perspective starts to shift your thinking. I can no longer wait to do important things. The definition itself of whats important changes. For you it might be working 50 hours a week becomes less important but spending time with your family and friends becomes important. Impressing outsiders with designer clothes or designer purses is no longer important, but being kind to the stranger on the street seems of utmost importance. Putting the phone down and listening to the kids when they talk instead of half listening becomes important. Forgiving people deserving or not becomes important. Random acts of kindness become important.

I went to get my daughter lunch from her favorite place on Saturday afternoon. They had the TV on the RedSox game. Waiting on her food I began to cry. The stands were full. Even though the day before they were told to stay home, don't leave your house. They shut the city down. But they couldn't keep us down. When horrible things happen to innocent people here in America we instantly drop religious separation, race separation, political party separation, any thing that can divide us falls to the wayside. We stand arm in arm showing the world we are UNITED from sea to shining sea. That's what makes this country so great. It is the resolve deep within the core of the American people. We might fight each other like brothers and sister's do; but NO ONE else is allowed to pick on us.

In the chaos of what happened we found out there were two people responsible, yet we saw hundreds helping. For all the evil that is in the world there is undoubtedly an overwhelming abundance of good. Good will always win against evil.

Lookin for a good book?

📖 I read this past year that I recommend 

1. Circle Maker by Mark Batterson

Teaches the importance of daily prayer & the miracles that come from it.

2. Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers

Five separate stories of women in the bible told from their point of view

3. Unglued by Lysa Terkuest

If you have ever been human & Christian at the same time this book is for you. She's very transparent.

4. Unveiled by Alan Smith 

Deals with insecurities, friendships, failures, success, grace & perceptions. 

5. Time to defeat the devil by Chuck Pierce

One of my favorite authors. This is about Spiritual warfare & how to war. Learn how to restore the blessings that you are due. 

I'm currently reading Not a fan by Kyle Idleman and The Vision by Rick Joyner

19 things your kids will thank you for

{19 Things we should say to our Children}

1. I love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that.



2. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one!



3. It’s all right to cry. People cry for all kinds of reasons: when they are hurt, sad, glad, or worried; when they are angry, afraid, or lonely. Big people cry too. I do.



4. You’ve made a mistake. That was wrong. People make mistakes. I do. Is it something we can fix? What can we do? It’s all over. You can start fresh. I know you are sorry. I forgive you.



5. You did the right thing. That was scary or hard. Even though it wasn’t easy, you did it. I am proud of you; you should be too.



6. I’m sorry. Forgive me. I made a mistake.



7. You can change your mind. It’s good to decide, but it is also fine to change.



8. What a great idea! You were really thinking! How did you come up with that? Tell me more. Your mind is clever!



9. That was kind. You did something helpful and thoughtful for that person. That must make you feel good inside. Thank you!



10. I have a surprise for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s for no reason at all. Just a surprise, a little one, but a surprise.



11. I can wait. We have time. You don’t have to hurry this time.



12. What would you like to do? It’s your turn to pick. You have great ideas. It’s important to follow your special interests.



13. Tell me about it. I’d like to hear more. And then what happened? I’ll listen.



14. I’m right here. I won’t leave without saying good-bye. I am watching you. I am listening to you.



15. Please and Thank You. These are important words. If I forget to use them, will you remind me?



16. I missed you. I think about you when we are not together!



17. Just try. A little bit. One taste, one step. You might like it. Let’s see. I’ll help you if you need it. I think you can do it.



18. I’ll help you. I heard you call me, here I am. How can I help you? If we both work together, we can get this done. I know you can do it by yourself, but I’m glad to help since you asked.



19. What do you wish for? Even if it’s not yet time for birthday candles and we don’t have a wishbone, it’s still fun to hear about what you wish for, hope for, and dream about.

In the distance

I realized I was climbing Afton mountain in the foggy dark morning last Sunday about halfway up. I could see the car in front of me fine one second then all of a sudden the lights on either side of the road were all I could make out. I turned my high beams on to try and pierce the fog so I could see better.

I was in the fog for about 15-20 minutes. I had been going 60-70 now I'm crawling along doing 30, maybe 40. As I was on the mountain praying for the fog to lift there was revelation instantly that Even when we can't see the road ahead God sets out lights on either side to guide us when we pay attention.

In the story of Lots wife we learn the importance of not looking back. She looked back and turned to a pillar of salt. Why would she turn back? What was she searching for behind her that was more important than what was in front of her? Are you looking back instead of forging ahead?

Living under open heavens

I first realized I was living under open Heavens in October of 2011 and it has not stopped since. I am so grateful, thankful and overwhelmed at times. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to  push a car to the limit? Like past its limit? I did, I had a 2002 Saturn Ion with over 150,000 miles, but it was paid for so I pushed it. I pushed it with no bumper on the front for 4 yrs. I pushed it when I got stuck in water and God miraculously let the extended warranty pay all but 100 for a brand new engine. Then in 2011 my poor little car just quit. It was one of those things where it would cost more to get it fixed then what the car was worth. But how was I going to get a new car? Over the years as a single mom I have ruined my credit, all the way down to the middle 500's. I think its subconsciously because my dad always preached about how important it was to have good credit and I wanted to rebel so in order to inflict as much pain as possible on myself I always kept it low.

I began searching everywhere for places that say they help with bad credit and can get you a car. As any of you with bad credit know, its a lie. I don't understand why they want to waste your time and theirs by advertising that, but they do. I searched online, drove around in person for weeks, no luck. Then as a last resort I looked on craigslist. Since I had no money saved for a down payment this was pretty much going to require a miracle. I was pretty desperate. As I begun to search I knew exactly what I was looking for. A Chevy Equinox. My friend Barbara had gotten one a few years earlier and I decided back then that when the Saturn died, I was getting an equinox. So as I began to search and call places I would tell them upfront my story. I have no trade in, no down payment, horrible credit but still would ask them if they could help me. Some places said no right off the bat, others said fill out an application and we will see. One of those places just felt different. It was almost like the lady on the other end of the phone actually listened to me and heard my story. Everyone else I called was doing the uh huh dance after sentence one.

Her name was Rome at Autoclass Direct. I went online to check her & the car out. Looked legit. The car had about 30 pictures online. I looked at everyone. I used to work for the BBB so I check things out with them all the time still. I looked her up and no complaints! This just might be the place for me I thought. I did what she said, filled out the application and emailed it to her. I remember praying Lord, you have gotten me out of some really tight spots in the past and if you want me to have this car I know you can make it happen. I trust you. Your will be done, not mine. Yes I want this truck, but if you want me to have something else you will shut this door.

About two hours later she called me back so I could come test drive it. I was approved!!! At first I thought she maybe called the wrong number so I made sure she knew who she was talking to. Yup, it was me. So I went to the lot, test drove it, did all the paperwork, got insurance on it and took 22 of my own money to get the car. Ya, you heard that right. 22 was all it cost for me, with bad credit, and  no down payment to get into my car. My payments are higher because my interest rate is relevant to my bad credit, but it has been an awesome vehicle.

I took it in for its first oil change and the guy said he hadn't seen many with 70,000 miles that were that well maintained. I was proud of my choice, I was happy in ;my Equinox that I had claimed years earlier. I highly recommend Rome to everyone I know. Great service, honest people. Carfax certified dealer.

I knew God could do it, but having the faith to trust him through the process was the test. In the space between having NO car, to the keys in my hand for this car was the test. Not for God, but for me, of my faith. When those thoughts would come that I am just going to have to get a bus pass to get around I would catch myself and redirect those thoughts to Gods got this. If this isn't what he wants me to have he will open another door somewhere else If I had great credit and 2500 I wouldnt be able to give God the glory for this miracle. You don't need saving when you are in shallow water and can walk on your own. You need to be rescued from deep waters where only He can reach you so He can show you how much he cares.  Now when I face challenges that only He can solve I can say, well God delivered this car to me, so I know he can do it again!! And He has, many times since then!!

Review of Girlfriends at Trinity Church with Tammy Trent

Last May my 9 y/o daughter had the privilege of meeting & dancing with Tammy Trent at the women's conference at Elevate Life church in Frisco. Since then she has written her letters a few times and sent her messages on twitter. Tammy has been so gracious with her time and Destini is always asking me when she is coming back. I saw she was going to be in Cedar Hill last Fri night of course we had to go!

First thing that surprised me about this event is that it was only 10.00. The next thing is that they didn't advertise or put any information on the website until about a month before the event. The day I was able to get tickets was like Christmas in my house. I had one happy kid!

We entered the lobby area and were greeted with bright colors everywhere. Streamers hung from the ceiling, balloon's on a tree, candy on a tree, different pastel colored table cloths on all the tables, and very friendly faces. We hit the registration table and were told to go to the other table because we had purchased online, from there we were checked in and sent over to a special booth for first timers. We filled out a ticket for a special door prizes for first timers and were given a button with a big G on it that let everyone else know to be extra nice to us because it was our first time. There were different backgrounds they made to take your picture in front of, one was flowers, a chair that made you look like royalty, balloons and a big GF sign.

We entered the sanctuary and the set on stage was beautiful. There were two chairs with a small table in between. There were about 6 large circles hanging from the ceiling with streamers covering them. Off to the left were all the door prizes they were going to give out and a blow up machine that said Becky's bucks on it. Inside was cash & Becky bucks to purchase things at their store in the church. Tammy Trent was walking to the stage and spotted Destini, came over hugged her, talked to her and even let her listen to a track that's so new, it doesn't have words yet!!! Genuine and kind is all I can say. I just appreciate her so much. I told her how at school Destini is coming against opposition because the kids in her class consider her the Jesus freak. She encouraged her and spoke into her life again!

Pastor Becky took the stage, whom I had seen milling around and talking to everyone. When I say everyone, I mean, everyone. I don't think there was a lady there that she didn't say hello to. It was very endearing to see her interact with all the ladies. She started right off with door prizes, that was awesome. She was so funny some people weren't as excited as she wanted so she showed them how she wanted them to act, basically like you just won a car on the price is right!! So cute.

Next up was a nutritional holistic counselor talking about cutting out all sugar, high fructose corn syrup and processed things from your diet. She explained how she has lupus & debilitating arthritis and changing her diet made all the difference for her and her autistic daughter.

Then they had a really cute fashion show with ladies ranging from young to old showing how to wear a little black dress. The two MC's were young & hip they worked well together on stage. All the models were ladies that attended the church.

Then as Pastor Becky was talking this chic starts singing, then another, then they rush the stage. There was maybe 30 people on stage ranging from 7-57 they all did a really cute, well choreographed dance and the crowd was on their feet!! After that they transitioned to more door prizes.

Now the next two women took the stage and it felt a little more serious in nature. It was, one was a counselor the other was someone who had attended classes they offer there called Bethesda about being emotionally healthy. She told her story of past abuse, healing from that and restoration.

Oh goodness, by this time its been almost an hour and Destini is getting anxious to see her. Finally she gets introduced and the place goes black. A really cool song plays its almost like a remix Introducing Tammmmyyyy Trreeeennnttt over and over. Then, there she is singing and dancing and giving it all shes got. She had the room moving and grooving right along with her. As she begins she acknowledges Destini and I and my kid is on cloud 9. Tammy jokingly called Destini her BFF last yr when she met her and she has taken that title seriously. She tells people everywhere we go about Tammy and Trent, how he could hold his breath for five minutes, how she is her BFF its really cute. But she is spreading Gods word, his goodness and his restoration without even knowing it. From the stage she shares wisdom about being crazy for Jesus. Nobody can stop the destiny and plan for your life. Understand that God is in every single detail of your life. God is totally committed to you!!

Then she takes us through the roller coaster of Sept. 2001 She missed her calling as a comedian.She is soooo funny. Its not just me that thinks this obviously because everyone else is laughing too. Hilarious. Then come the tears, people are sniffling, tissues are being passed what an emotional story. I have heard her testimony before but it felt like the first time I heard it. I cant explain it. I just appreciated her transparency so much. When she was dancing she motioned for Destini to get on the stage and dance with her again.  The fact she would relive that over and over and over again for our benefit to see Gods goodness just touched my heart in a special way. Then she asked if anyone would like to come to know the Lord. I was praying and had my eyes closed but by her thank you's I am guessing there was about 10-15 at least that raised their hand.PRAISE GOD!! What goodness God brings out of tragedy. WOW

At the end of the night Tammy takes her time to come sign her CD's and books. The line is long so we wait. As you look forward to where she is signing you see her taking time with each person. That really is her gift. She makes you feel like you are her most important friend, forget fan. She is kind and gracious with her time. She smiles as this lady takes, not kidding, atleast 10 pictures with flash that is blinding I am sure. She has two kids, then adds herself, then new people shuffle in and out and the entire time Tammy is gracious and loving. It was so sweet of her. Then Destini gets her turn and her smile could not be bigger!! She loves her sooo much. The fact that she would continue to speak over Destini & encourage her could be the difference in good and bad choices she makes later in life. I would hope that she would always make good choices, but kids try their parents sometimes, so its reassuring to know that even at a young age she has someone she admires encouraging her to love the Lord. The impact she has on peoples lives is far reaching. If you have not heard her story or want to book her at your next event check out www.tammytrent.com you will be blessed by her!!

Is your check engine light on??

The other day I was driving down the road and wouldn't you know it, my check engine light came on. My SUV is about 6 yrs old with almost 90,000 miles on it so I guess its to be expected almost. It has been a very reliable truck. Hardly any work required other than the normal oil changes and maintenance. But I got to thinking, what are the engine lights in our lives? The things we know we should take care of but don't?

At one point my check engine, low fuel, no seat belt & service brake system were all lit up. Whats your low fuel light look like in your life? Is it not taking the time to eat right and exercise? Raising my hand GUILTY as charged. Is it not taking time for yourself to have date night with your husband or a night with the girls? GUILTY as charged. What refuels you to get you to the next destination?

No matter what season of life you are in there are always challenges to overcome and things we could do better. I invite you to spend some time dwelling in the presence of the Lord and let him illuminate for you those areas that he wants to strengthen you in. then listen for the ways He wants you to do just that. If you listen & don't move, He will show up. You just have to be open and willing to listen.

If you have never done this or aren't sure how it works here is what I do. I turn everything in my house off, except for a light if its dark. I play worship music on my phone, I love technology. I start reading either my bible or a Christian book. When I feel led, I close them and just start having a conversation with Jesus. Its like he is sitting at my kitchen table, just two friends talking. Except he is not there in the flesh. But I imagine he is, I can see his face. I bought the bookmark size picture of him that the little 8 yr old girl Akaine did and keep it close in case I need a reminder. I invite the Holy Spirit to take a seat too. I ask for wisdom, understanding, revelation, forgiveness, all the things you would ask the smartest people in the world if you had them at your table. We just have conversation. Recently we had a conversation & I could feel Him leading me somewhere. We were on a rabbit trail for a while, but this is where we landed. On blogger, creating a blog, to share some of our chats, to maybe encourage some other people to be intentional about the time they spend with Him.

Sometimes the revelations come days or weeks or months or even years later, but I know the time I have spent with the Lord are precious. I know I am planting seeds for not only my children but future generations to come. I read the Circle Maker by Mark Batterson highly recommend it, but it talks about just that. Being intentional in prayer. Keeping a journal of your prayers. Watching your prayers unfold and how his life has been blessed because of it.

It might be uncomfortable at first, especially if you were raised in a religion like I was where God was an angry mean ole thing who punished you severely if you didn't listen to him. But if you start with even 5 minutes set aside for him you will see that your Spirit will start driving the desire to spend more and more time with him. Just like any relationship you will become closer over time.

I hope this encouraged you in some small way. In my next few blogs I will begin to unravel all the things that have happened to me over the course of the last 2 yrs and how I can see & touch the fruit of my time with Him.

What's in a name? Why smothered in grace?

As many of you know when you sign up for a new service either email or blog know you aren't as creative as you thought you were. You enter something so outrageous like monkeywearsyellowsoxks and by gosh it's taken??? Seriously even with the horrid spelling. Someone before me thought of the exact same user name. It can be a daunting task.

As I was being obedient to The Lord in starting this blog I tried what felt like a gazillion names. I didn't realize smothered in grace had even been accepted until I wrote my first blog and went back to see the URL.

It describes my life perfectly. I was a professional sinner like I said before. Then God smothered me in so much grace and turned my life around. I am so deeply grateful for the humbling experience I went though in 2006. It was the darkest, most depressing but the most beautiful because it is when I learned to surrender all to Him. No really surrender all. There is a point in the process of submission where at first you are like ok God I give this all to you but in your head you are adding addendum's the entire time. Then you release a little more & a little more. So instead of 10 conditions on your prayer you get down to 3. It goes something like "Lord, you know what I need, your will be done, but could you just make sure the thing I want to happen comes to pass." Then when you realize it's a trust thing. Even if the thing you want so badly to happen doesn't, guess what, it's supposed to be that way. You realize even worst case scenario whatever the enemy tries to use against you God will turn it around for good Romans 8:28 is my favorite verse. I can lay it over anything that happens in my life and trust Gods hand on my life & know He will turn every situation around if I trust Him too.

It's my job to trust him enough to be able to submit completely. That's it. He will do the rest on my behalf. I get these uplifting quotes everyday from Hart Ramsey & one last week was There are gifts in you that won't come out until you walk thru adversity. They can't be pulled out, they must be squeezed out. -Hart Ramsey

Have you ever faced something you thought you would never overcome but did? What you learned in that process was a lot of times not even for you. It was so you would have compassion for someone else to offer them hope and show them the power of God in your life. I call it the rope of hope. Use your rope to help others and God will continue to bless you.

Encourager Vs Tush kisser

I posted something  to my Facebook and twitter yesterday and I wanted to expand on it. What better place than here, where I have no idea what I am doing, how it works, who's reading it or if I am understood.

Here's what I posted "Friend, don't confuse a butt kisser and an encourager. The first wants something FROM you, the latter wants something FOR you! Big difference." We live in a world that is so critical & judgmental. If we don't get the service we want or expect we are quick to ask for the manager and express our dissatisfaction. I can only imagine out of the 10 times a manager is requested I am guessing 8-9 times are to express what someone did wrong and 1-2 times someone did right!

This saddens me, breaks my heart and propels me to be the 1-2 that expresses what a great job someone has done. Instead of going into situations from the grocery store to a restaurant to the dry cleaner-you get the idea-everywhere I go outside of my house-literally;I am looking for opportunities to encourage people. It's my DNA, the way God made me.

Sometimes when I am expressing appreciation for a job well done I can see the wheels turning, what does she want? What's the motivation? Is this sincere? The answer is all I want is for people to be encouraged, for them to know that they made a difference in someone's life by doing a good job, that they are appreciated and God loves them.

My close friend and family know I tell pretty much everyone "I love you" and not just in a regular way, but an over the top, I don't care if I just met you two minutes ago loud "I just LOOOVVEEE you!" I want people to feel better for encountering me in their day. Is the love different thank it is for people that I hold dear, yes, but is it less sincere No!

In the bible where it says my cup runeth over, well my cup overflows with love for people. If I hold it in, I feel like I'm gonna burst. I am compelled to express it. I write thank you notes for no reason, just for who people are in my life. I express to them the impact they have had on my life. I tell them all the things I want them to know because when I am no longer here, people won't wonder, they will know what they meant to me.

Does that mean I want you to send me a thank you card and a million dollars because I expressed appreciation for you? No, I want you to feel Gods love. I want revelation from God in your life. The things you want for your life, I want for your life. Sometimes even more.

I pretty much go all in when I like something. If its a book, music, TV show, Pastor, message, speaker whatever it is, if I am your fan-I transition quickly to an admirer. An admirer is someone beyond a fan, someone that not only respects your body of work, but respects you as a person. I become an instant advocate on your behalf spreadin the word on twitter Facebook anywhere anyone will listen.

Let me give you an example. We have a worship team at church. It's lead by David & Nicole Binion. Ya, all that greatness. WHAT! You haven't heard if them? Oh you have to youtube and iTunes and purchase everything they have! When I visit other places it makes me appreciate the professionalism they attack their job with. The level of anointing is incredible. Nicole has the voice of an angel. Smooth and silky and beautiful and sweet and humble and oh so talented. My grandson had bacterial meningitis when he was 3 months old. He almost died. I left the hospital on a Wed night and when I entered the sanctuary they were playing a song I had not heard before. The words were "we will believe the report of The Lord we will trust in him worship in one accord He is marvelous in power, always strong in the midnight hour, now is the time for the Devine favor of The Lord" as that song played I called my then 19 yr old daughter and said Listen to this song, God just told me Zion is healed!!! And you know what? He was!!!! He has some speech delay & sensory issues but is thriving and growing.

They have truly blessed my life. I wanted to gather all their CDs and go to the local Christian radio station & say look at what you are missing. Why are they not in rotation here? What's wrong with you people!! I wanted to become their agent for free. What I do is share information about where they are performing & purchase their music.


When people have a profound affect on your life what do you do? Do you think they automatically know you appreciate it? Or do you express it with a card, gift, tweet or Facebook comment so they have no doubt that whet they did is appreciated. You never know, maybe they are discouraged and ready to give up what they are doing, and they do. The enemy has grabbed a hold of the giftings God gave them and stole it. He makes them believe it's not making a difference. How sad. So really it's more than being an encourager, I am fighting the enemy and pushing back the gates of hell one "I LLooovvveeee you" at a time.

Thank you Lord for revelation!!

DotMom Conference Review

I was on twitter and saw Priscilla Schirer tweet about an event called dotmom conference, then I saw Angie Smith was gonna be there so I had to go. I found out it was going to be 15 min away from me in Frisco Tx I just knew it was meant for me to be there. I am not sure how many yrs Lifeway has produced these dotmom events but this was my first one. What follows is my account of what happened from my own perspective.

Upon arrival at the Embassy Suites Hotel I found a place to park on the street and was thankful to save the 14 Valet fee and the 10 self park fee. As I entered the hotel a steady stream of women were coming towards me, going the opposite way.I noticed immediately they all had these VIP looking things around their necks and a burlap bag, all different colors, sayings and bible verses. SO stinkin cute. I hope I get one of those I thought. As I continued walking I realized I was only following like 3 people but had passed about 100. I checked my watch, was it over, had I missed the first session? Was I in the wrong area?

Soon enough I saw the REGISTRATION sign and walked right up.The lady behind the registration counter met me with a warm smile.I explained to her I had just changed purses and did not have my paper registration BUT i had my email confirmation. her response, I understand, NO
 problem;whats your name. Really, you don't need my drivers lisc, first born, birth cert and ss card?? I thought to myself, That was too easy. She checked my name off and handed me a beautiful burlap bag that says Trust God it has a pic of a little girl and a balloon on it and PSalm25;5. she then instructed me everything I needed was in the  bag but to head to the table behind me and put my name on a luggage tag. The luggage tag was bright and inviting with large dots all over it and DOT MOM across it. There was a passport inside that i needed to get signed from each vendor and turn it in for a drawing for a dyson vaccum.The pass that hung around my neck had the schedule on one side, very helpful for time keeping purposes.

I then started checking out the vendor tables. I bought some badaids from the guy who put bible verses on bandaids cuz his grandaughter is a diabetic and he wanted to cover her with the word of God. I walked a little farther down they were selling t shirts. As i passed the table there were about 6 women behind it no smile, no smile, no smile, BIG SMILE and a Hello how are you! We chatted for a bit, I shared a bit of my testimony and she says You should be up there, you are really funny. This is one of those confirmation\if its gonna happen, God has to do it cuz I cant moments. So I made a new friend and kept on going. The doors were supposed to open at  6 and it was about five min til 6. I found a table with books for little girls decided this would be good for me to use as a resource with my 9 yr old because I want her to have a BOAZ not a BOZO just like every other mother.She was kind enough to autograph it and write a note to her in the front.

The doors opened promptly at noon and as we filed in I was able to get a seat directly in the middle about 4 rows back. I was thinking maybe 2-300 women were there, I found out from my friend the t shirt seller  there were 1100 women there. Impressive number. I settled into my seat having about an hour to kill and pretty soon a lady sat down next to me and we started talking. She was there with a friend but she had almost dragged her friend there kicking and screaming. I was a willing participant. From that point on we pretty much stuck together like we came together. It was nice. As we were waiting they began playing little videos on the 2 large screens on each side of the stage. They showed slides of new books being released by some of the speakers along with twitter # information and upcoming seminars.

Promptly at 7 a hilarious video of Melanie and Sophie played showing their travel from Alabama to TX the audience really enjoyed it. They took the stage, gave us some relevant information regarding the passports to win the vacuum allot more funny banter between the two of them. Then they turned the stage over to Travis Cotrell. Haven't ever heard him or his music but I knew he did Beth Moore events. He started out with two of his own songs it was clear by the way everyone was watching the screen not many in the audience had either. I am certain its not his fault that the sound system was up too loud. Maybe its just because i was so close. He transitioned into more familiar the room felt at ease and the Holy Spirit payed us a visit. To be honest, I was so excited to see Angie Smith again I really couldn't pay attention. I just wanted him to hurry up so all of the other 1099 women there could fall in love and be mesmerized by her humor just like I was at Women of faith months earlier.
She was introduced and I was excited.Have you ever introduced your old friend to a new friend?   Not just a friend, but someone you admire, someone who is funny and witty and you can just see their hear through the transparency that they live their life and share their story. That's Angie to me. I want to move to Nashville or wherever she lives and be her next door neighbor. Yes, I am the older wiser, more life experienced one on the outside, but she is the open book, unapologetic of who she is, to be who she is at all times with no reservation or hesitation. That is what endears me to her. I admire her strength in the testimony God gave her with the loss of her beautiful daughter and the grace in which she uses that to help other hurting women. I wanted to jump up and down and tell them all about her, but it wasn't necessary. they just had to listen to her. Within 5 minutes the room is in an uproar of laughter from her funny stories, her comedic timing is impeccable. I can feel the room shifting from busyness & chitter chatter to utter silence as she moves through what God gave her to share. About 15 minutes in as the women around me are laughing and looking at each other I hear things
 like "gee she is really funny" "cant believe I had not heard of her before" "i really like her" inside I was like YUP, that's Gods girl. That is his warrior whom he chose for a time such as this to pour out into others the goodness of God. Now GO BUY ALL HER BOOKS people. Show her some love!

Angie finished her talk, & the MC's Melanie and Sophie took the stage. They had a gentleman with them who shared his testimony of being a compassion recipient and how it changed his life. It was nice to hear from someone who it actually touched and not just a video of far away kids with other people in them. After he gave his testimony they asked if anyone would like to sponsor a child and out of obedience I raised my hand. When she handed me this random package with a little girl on it I almost fell over when I looked at her birthday, It was Jan 8 2004 the same month day and year of my youngest child. That's what God does for me, he gives me that concrete confirmation. I of course knew it was the right thing to do and God honored my obedience by giving me Jhenefer from
Brazil born on Destini's same birthday. What are the odds? If I was a gambling person I would say there is pretty much no way out of the 800 or so kids they brought that I would be given a little girl with the same birthday identical to mine but in Gods realm it was 100% going to happen that way. He pre ordained it. He knew. I wonder when we find ourselves in situations like that does God chuckle at us saying My child you thought this was impossible, but I am in EVERY detail of your life, every moment of your life whether you acknowledge I am there or not is up to you.Travis and his crew closed us out in song. We then had two breakout sessions lasting an hour each, with a break for lunch, then the evening session started at 7. I had to pick up my 9 yr old from school so I rolled out after Angie. I decided to  take her advice and be intentional with my kid by taking Destini to Chipotle where she wanted to eat and then off for a skateboarding fun.

The evening session was John Croyle a man I never heard of but was deeply moved by. This man played in the NFL but has since started a home for kids in Alabama. He takes abused, neglected, homeless kids and gives them a chance at life by showing them Christ love. Was he frank, yes was it necessary, YES! He said we are raising a generation of whiners, that we need to set boundaries, that kids run the house these days. All of it was true. He has had 1400 kids go through his program. The video he showed was a young girl who's sister brought her to him at the age of 15 she had never been to school and could not read. She just graduated from college, ON TIME. She graduated from high school, ON time. She is making a difference in the world because someone loved her, believed in her and gave her that chance at a better life. He was charismatic, funny and entertaining. He was not long winded, just straight to the point. I took alot of notes and things that will stay with me a lifetime. 

After Johns session it was time for the late night bash from 830-930. I guess as a mom that's considered "late night" They offered cans of soda,small bags of chips and bite size snickers along with pink and purple popcorn. We all got tickets on our way out that you were to
fill out and turn in one half with your name and phone number. That's when the giveaways started. They gave away things from scarfs to books to paintings candles oil, all kinds of stuff. They had music playing that was way to loud and it was pitchy and muted in the speakers.
I am blaming all sound issues on Embassy Suites. I was surprised however when I heard "Brick house" start playing. I am not a prude by any means. I will occasionally listen to secular music as well, but the content of the song is very inappropriate in representing a
Christian woman in my opinion. The cha cha slide and the congo line were lots of fun for those that participated and for those onlookers as well. 

The next morning the crew opened the doors promptly at 830 just as the schedule stated. I went to find my seat placed my bag down and headed back out to the vendors. I missed breakfast so a 2.00 banana was gonna have to do today. Worship with Travis and his crew started promptly at 930. I have to say I was a bit disappointed throughout the day as they sung the same songs we had worshiped to the night before. As the day progressed we sung a few songs 2 and 3 times. In my head I have Covenant Worship songs, Bryan & Katie Torwalt Lover of your presence and Holy Spirit along with many others that would have been fitting for the conference but whatever, I am just a worship junkie, not the leader. I have a catalog of about 300 worship songs in my head at all times and I am not afraid to use them when necessary.

First up for the day was Vickie Courtney. Another person I had not heard of. But my experience with Angie Smith & Lisa Harper taught me to always be open to new people. You just might fall in love with them. I listened to her story as she shared where she is in her life as an empty nester with her husband, cute stories about her grandbaby and kids. The tone in her voice changed, something big was coming, I just knew it. Then, there it was for all to know. For all to be able to use against her in a court of "christian judging" that we do so well. There was the reveal of the secret that can hold you in such tight bondage you don't realize its grip on you because it is pushed so far down. She had an abortion. Many women in the church have, from what I have read, about 45% of "christian" women have had one or more abortions.

I know, because I am one of them. The one thing that is probably the least spoken about in Christian circles of women is abortion. Its taboo. I wish the study I read had separated the women into categories of I had mine pre christian or post christian. I think it would be interesting to see. If you are a woman reading this and you have the secret of an abortion I encourage you to tell someone. Then I encourage you to search Carenet. They offer healing through a bible study called forgiven and set free. The enemy will continue to lie to you so he can keep you where you are, stuck, unable to breath some days. Hidden sin mixed with deep regret and large amounts of shame are the recipe the enemy uses against you to kill your spirit. You break so many chains just by confessing your sin to another person. I appreciated Vickies candor and willingness to share her story. That reminds me of what John Croyle said, everyone has a story so STOP JUDGING cuz you don't know every ones story.

Now it was time for the 3rd or 4 breakouts. They each lasted about an hour and you had a plethora to choose from. Almost too many. I guess because there were so many attending they had to have allot but I wanted to attend 2 that were only offered once but they were at the same time. I ended up choosing Why cant I say no because that is a theme in my life. I have a strong personality but if 10 people ask me to do 10 things I am pretty much going to say yes to about 10 of them. That workshop gave me about six months of deep soul searching I need to do. Behaviors I need to change, people I need to cut off and steps I need to take along with the reasons why I need to do them. For instance, by always saying yes and being a rescuer, I am really being an enabler and blocking God from working in someone elses life. OUCH!!

After the breakout we were told lunch would be in boxes along the back wall of the large conference room we were meeting in. I headed over and chose a box and a water. Inside the box was a sandwich, cookie, apple and full size snickers bar.The bread fell apart, the cookie was hard as a rock but it was a free lunch so I was not complaining. Could it have been better, yes was it the worst ever, no.Then it was time to head off to the last breakout. I had been looking forward to this since I found out Dawn Neufeld would be on the panel. In case you don't know her she is an autism advocate that is a firecracker!! I started following her on twitter a few years ago and appreciate her honesty with the struggles she faces as a mother who's son has autism. She plays no fairytale role and I love her for that! When I introduced myself to her she was just as warm and inviting as she is on twitter. Her personality online and in real life matched up perfectly. This chic is the real deal. I sincerely appreciated her invitation to swap info since we both live in the same city and face some of the same struggles. As I sat in the room with tears flowing down my face hearing some of the other stories it occurred to me that someone at Lifeway was intentional, thoughtful and wanted us to know they remembered us. Allot of times those of us with children that face different challenges from down syndrome to autism to cerebral palsy can feel like its just us and no one "gets" it. I really appreciate the fact they thought about the ones who are often overlooked, the ones with special needs. I have to say I have been to allot of conferences and this was the first one that addressed that issue head on. Kudos to Lifeway Women and their team for that!

I headed back downstairs for the last general session with Priscilla Shirer. I was introduced to her teaching when she came to our church and spoke about two yrs ago. She worked with one of our Pastors at Zig Ziglar for many years so they are good friends. Her resume of where she has spoken, with whom, to whom is extensive and impressive. She is a great teacher. There are many books that she has written that have ripple effects through generations of families to come because it drew someone to Jesus. The subject matter today was about being authentic and real and just doing what God says to do. She shared a few stories for example  how her son was afraid of the pitching machine but his dad had already turned the velocity down to make sure he was able to hit the ball. She compared it to how our heavenly father loves us and takes care of us as well. There were a few nuggets of information I could take away and apply in my everyday life. The sound system was again LOUD. There was someone behind the curtain making clamoring sounds with dishes or something but it was distracting non the less. My new friend that I made said that she had heard that message before, but she LOVES her and attends allot of her events. For me it was fresh and new. As I was leaving the conference I heard two women talking saying that she talked to fast, it was hard to keep up with, much less write notes too. That was totally their opinion, I just happen to hear it. As I am walking out of the hotel I saw a group of women approach her as she was trying to get her luggage into her vehicle and ask her for a picture. She smiled and said "Of course, I would love to" That demonstrated to me that she lives what she teaches. Grace. To those women getting a picture with her was important to them, to her, getting her luggage in the car so she can go see her kids was
 important, but she set aside HER important for THEIR important. Had she said No I would have completely understood. I am sure she gets req like that allot and sometimes really doesn't feel like it, but she does it anyway because it is important to the people that  That made me smile as I walked by. It also was a revelation moment. You really don't ever know who is watching you. What if she was ugly and said no in a mean way.I would be writing something totally different. My own view of her would have been tainted & I might have transferred that to you three people that will read this.

Overall on a scale of 1-10 I would give the Dotmom conference presented by Lifeway an 8. We all have room to improve and grow. I enjoyed the sense of sisterhood, motherhood and bonding they promoted. I loved the Dayspring table and the bags they provided. I am biased because of my affection for Angie Smith on that alone I would give them a 12, but I cant. I have to be honest. Would I attend next year,absolutely. Would I be their unofficial ambassador in my circle and on social media to get people to attend Yes. The thing that irks me the most is spending money and time and feeling when its over that it was wasted. I do not feel that one penny was wasted. They were a good stuard of the money they raised. They produced a great product for the price. They were thoughtful and intentional in the feelings they wanted to convey. I enjoyed each speaker for different reasons and gained life changing wisdom from some. It was time well spent, money well spent and I plan on making it an annual event in on my calendar.